Let's be honest...

Lately I've been really frustrated.

If having a daughter who fights a daily battle with seizures isn't enough, add all the financial struggles we've been having and you would think it would surely be more than enough for one person to have to tackle.

Dare I say there's more?

There is.

As bad as the first two struggles seem to be (and believe me those are some hard beasts to tackle in and of themselves) this new thing has really been kicking my butt!

What could it be you might be wondering?

Well the only way I can describe it is this... UNFULFILLED!

I feel extremely unfulfilled lately.

I HATE my job! Not necessarily because of the work or the people I work with but because I KNOW WITH EVERYTHING IN ME IT'S NOT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE!!

And to make things even worse is that I don't know what/how/when/where to make the necessary changes needed to try and find the place/job where I feel I'm supposed to be.

Maybe it's fear that's holding me back. That seems like a logical reason to keep form taking a risk and trying something new. I mean just being fortunate enough to have a job in this kind of economy should make me happy shouldn't it?

Sure it should.

But I'm not looking to just be happy...

I'm looking to be FULFILLED!!

I'm looking for the place where I KNOW I'M MEANT TO BE!

Let's be honest here, if at the end of my life I'm laying on my death bed and I think I can be satisfied at just being happy to have a job then I'll rest my case. But I know with every fiber of my being that if I were looking death in the face right now I would be disappointed. Disappointed that I didn't seek that thing that gave me purpose.

I KNOW I'm supposed to be in ministry. I KNOW I have that calling on my life.

But how do you take such a risk in such insecure times?

Maybe I'm unfulfilled because I'm too afraid to take that risk.

I want to drop risk and not care enough about it that it stops me from following my dreams. It's really been kicking my butt lately!

Use Me

"Use Me".

I didn't know, at that moment, how powerful those two words would prove to be. Those two simple words were my prayer a few years ago.

I was at a life changing event called Catalyst, and miles from home in Atlanta Georgia. The challenge to pray this simple (but difficult) prayer came from a pastor that I look up to and is recognized all over the world - Rick Warren.

Maybe a little bit of me was caught up in the fact that I was hearing all these wonderful servants of God preach. People I look up to. People like; Andy Stanley, Craig Groeschel, Dave Ramsey, Francis Chan and as was already mentioned, Rick Warren.

Or maybe (and this is what I really believe it was) I was just REALLY in tune with the Holy Spirit.

Rick Warren was preaching a great message and then BAM! Out of nowhere he challenges us to pray with him. Just all of a sudden like that. And as we bowed our heads to pray I found myself really wanting to tune everyone else out (tens of thousands of people) and just speak to God. One-on-one.

As pastor Warren was leading the prayer the only thing I knew were the words he was praying. Everything else faded away. Not long into the prayer he got down to business and said, (and I'm paraphrasing here to the best of my memory) "God, we come before you right now in this moment and want to pray a simple prayer. This prayer is so simple that it only consists of two words. But God, if we really mean this with all our hearts this prayer will be the most life-changing and "dangerous" prayer we could ever pray. But only if we really mean it. God, that prayer is "use me". Use me Lord to do your will whatever that may be. Use me Lord to be your hands and feet. USE ME!"

And almost as soon as the two words were spoken in that prayer I felt overwhelmed with desire. I meant for that to be my prayer in that moment. I really meant it to be my own. Not only that, but those two words would become my mantra many times after that day too and even now I find I'm praying it from time to time.

In the moment I said that prayer I thought I understood how a prayer like that could be simple and yet difficult at the same time. At least then I thought I did. BUT I told myself if I really mean for that to be my prayer I would have to be willing to go WHEREVER and DO WHATEVER God would lead me to. Still, I was determined. "Use me" was my new prayer and I wasn't going to let go of it.

Now, as I'm typing this and looking back at what's happened in my life between then and now, I can see just how "dangerous" that prayer really was. You see, not long after Catalyst was over a prayer was answered. A prayer that my wife and I had been praying over and over. We finally conceived the child that infertility kept us from having for so long. We were so excited! With that prayer answered still I prayed, "use me".

The day came for Emily to be born and with a few complications Erica gave birth to a dream we'd been holding on to for so long. Through a miscarriage and infertility God delivered us an angel. We fought those battles with God's help, and Emily finally in our arms, we realized how faithful our God is.

Still I prayed, "use me".

A few months after her birth we found out that Emily had Infantile Spasms. (You can read more about our journey with I.S. at my wife's blog here.)

Devastated and depressed the next few months was a true testing of my faith. There were many weeks spent in the hospital and many nights I questioned my beliefs. I fought with God, tried to bargain with God and almost gave up on God. If God wasn't going to "fix" Emily then I didn't need him anymore.

I went a while in this funk until one night (when praying of all things) I heard God gently remind me of something I had seemed to forget about. In a still, small voice, God said, "use me". Only it was me hearing myself when I prayed that prayer years before! God reminded me of what I MEANT with all my heart. And almost instantly the fog cleared and I realized that God had answered yet ANOTHER prayer and gave me the opportunity of a lifetime - the chance to be the daddy and hero of an amazing little girl who requires a little more attention, time and patience than most kids do. A child who struggles with I.S.

Now don't misunderstand. I was still hurt that Emily would have to battle I.S. but I did feel a little bit better about it. I wasn't as depressed as I was before but it was still a hard thing to deal with.

You see, when I went to Catalyst I knew there was a calling on my life to go into ministry. I knew that I would have a ministry of some sort. But I didn't realize that the kind of ministry God had in mind would be mostly to one individual. I didn't realize that God would "use me" to be a minister who was also a daddy.

Looking back on things now I'm so thankful that I was at Catalyst that day and prayed that life-changing, "dangerous" prayer. I still pray for God to "use me".

And every time I hold my precious girl in my arms I'm reminded of two simple, life-changing words - "USE ME!"

Thank you Jesus!

Turning The Tide

I'm excited about Dr. Stanley's newest book and I pray it reaches everyone and has a huge impact towards restoring our nation for Godly principles once again.

Check out the videos below for more information.

Book Trailer


Interview


The Sermon

Christians and Hammers

I had to use the hammer today to take something down. As I was pulling out each nail I was careful not to damage the wall in our living room. It's easy to do when you're pulling out a nail in drywall. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was still a brand new homeowner.

Sometimes my mind wonders as I'm doing simple little chores like that. Lately I've been thinking about a trial that has gotten a lot of national media attention. It seems the outcome that everyone had been expecting ended up going the other way, and everyone I've talked to has reacted with a lot of shock and disappointment. I was shocked myself to be honest. I thought for sure I knew what the outcome would be. I even found myself participating in some "hateful" conversations with some people I work with about what "should have happened" with the trial.

That being said, I want to get back to my epiphany if I may.

I think Christians are like hammers.

Let me explain. Most standard hammers have two sides. The Head (used to drive nails with) and the Claw (used to pull nails out with). If you asked any "man on the street" what hammers are mostly used for I would be willing to bet that the most common answer would be, "to drive nails with of course."

But what about the other side?

What about the side used to PULL OUT the nails?

Isn't it just as useful?

And that's where I want to go with this and what I realized as I was pulling out the nails in my living room.

I think, sadly, that too many Christians have become known for and recognized as being the HEAD of the hammer and not the CLAW of it. Too many Christians are spending their time DRIVING current topics into the ground.

Instead of being the Claw and PULLING OUT a hurting persons wounds or mistakes we tend to focus on how we can tell them more and more how they are wrong or how they shouldn't do what they do. DRIVING the nail deeper and deeper instead of helping to heal and leading them to the one who can PULL OUT that area of their life.

Lately I've been the Head more than the Claw. I think it's time to focus a little more on the other side of the hammer and see what "nails" I can help pull out of someone elses life.

I pray you can do the same thing too if, like me, you've been DRIVING more lately than PULLING.

Thank you Jesus for being the original "other side of the hammer". Thank you for PULLING OUT all our mistakes on the cross!!

Lessons From A Car Wash

I stopped at the gas station this evening to get some gas. The gas light was screaming at me again. Like most people, I think, I try to ignore the gauge for as long as I can. But once the little gas pump makes an appearance on the dashboard I know I have to take things more seriously.

Usually when I get gas it's the same old routine. Push the button to release the little door where the gas cap hides. Unscrew the cap and let it freely hang off the side, turn around, swipe the debit card, and make my selection. Same old song and dance.

But this time I was at a place where there was more to be had than gas. There was also a car wash available. And when I swiped my card to make my gas selection I was first prompted to make a decision. Did I want a car wash as well?

After trying to remember when the last time my ride had a nice clean bath I felt ashamed that I couldn't recall it, so I decided to quit putting that off as well and selected the cheapest car wash available.

After I filled up the gas tank my receipt printed off, and at the bottom I found a code that would give me access to the car wash.

I pulled up, punched my digits, and off I went. One cheap, much needed car wash coming up.

Once inside I found myself lost in thought. The radio provided some background noise but my mind was concentrating on how the "touch free" car wash could actually get a car "clean". I had never used this particular car wash before and I was eager to see how good a job it did when all was said and done.

If you're like me you usually find yourself disappointed after you leave a car wash when you realize what all it DIDN'T clean. Even though I always choose the "cheap" wash, I still fill like my car should come out VERY clean. I guess you get what you pay for.

Eventually a green light in the car shower told me to pull forward. The wash was over. As I was pulling into the sunlight the inspection would begin. And once again, I was disappointed. There were still things left behind that didn't come clean. You can always tell it best when you look through the windshield and into the sunlight. You see the spots that still remain.

The inspection failed but my mind was still turning. That's when I realized how similar our spiritual walk is to a car wash.

You see, I think many of us go to church just to get "clean". Or to at least fill like we've gotten ourselves clean for that particular week anyway. I'll be the first to admit that I really have felt this way before. But every time I walked away, if I would have truly looked at myself as if trying to pass an inspection I would have seen that there was still many things, many spots, that were left behind.

I was fooling myself. Thinking that (me + just going to church = good), like (car + car wash = clean car) was a mistake.

You can't think like that. You'll fail the inspection every time.

You have to get down to the nitty gritty. You have to put lots of effort into it and maybe even shed some sweat and tears to get the kind of clean your soul really needs.

And that kind of clean isn't "touch free" or even "soft touch". That kind of clean can only come from the nail scarred hands of a saviour's touch. The touch of one who died to clean ALL our spots. Even the ones that are easy to hide but hard to clean.

Thank you Jesus for teaching me something at the car wash. You really are EVERYWHERE!